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27th May 2018 

" We find a place for what we lose. Although we know that after such a loss the acute stage of mourning will subside, we also know that we shall remain inconsolable and will never find a substitute. No matter what may fill the gap, even if it be filled completely, it nevertheless remains something else" Freud.


Normal and natural grief response.

It is normal and natural for you to grieve for the person that has died.

The shock of loss, even when you know someone is terribly ill and in pain, can feel impossible to bare. In these early days simple normal life, any of the things you did before the death are of little relevance.

Following on from the immediate trauma, the process of adjusting to life without your husband, wife, partner, lover, parent, child, friend or pet varies greatly in both intensity of your feelings and length of time it takes you to work through them. This can be hugely daunting, made more so because time, that great clichéd healer, seems to just put distance between you and your loved one. It is normal to want time to stand still, to remain close and not to move on until you are ready, and only you can tell when that time is.

Often, there is talk of stages of grief, and it may seem that there is pressure to work through some sort of defined process. Indeed, there are many feelings that are identified with loss, some of which I mention above, but your experience of grief will be as unique as the person you have lost, and your process of coming to terms with your experience will reflect this.

Where Counselling might help.

Most people, with the support from family and friends, naturally work at their own pace through their feelings and counselling, as such, is not needed. Sometimes, however, just to talk to someone not involved can help release some of the more difficult feelings such as anger and guilt. For this purpose I offer an open contract, based on a session-by-session need. Sometimes a single confidential session to voice your thoughts is all you require. I have also worked with people in their own homes at this time because of the need for the familiar surroundings.

Complicated grief.

There are also times when people find themselves locked into intense, prolonged grief. These feelings may be taken deep inside and can, if unchecked, lead to destructive processes from which they fear they cannot escape. This most often occurs where there is associated trauma, such as a sudden loss or where there are unresolved issues, especially in families.

If this complicated process of grieving sounds more likes what you are going through, longer term counselling can help you unravel and work through your feelings. I offer long term work in my practice and welcome people needing time and safety.


Bumpstead Counselling can help you during this difficult time. You may also find help from organisations like CRUSE and BBC

For further information please contact me.

My details are:

Phone number 07540 725485.

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